• Natalie Hawes

What They See, What I See.

I have learnt to be confident in clothes that make me feel uncomfortable.

I'm flattered by the many compliments i receive when i'm out, i almost turn into a shy child and i'm sure if i was pale you would see the redness in my cheeks. Like many mums i have that dreaded bloated tummy that doesn't seem to want to leave my body, i've been gym, eaten healthier but still i wake up look into the mirror and say good morning to Mr Tummy the guy with the silver stretch marks as hair. Many people who know me would never know the insecurities i have about that particular part of my body, at times i have felt so down and surfed the internet looking at quick fixes! its so easy these days to want surgery because how often do we hear about the surgeries that didn't go right. I actually didn't realise how bad i felt till i was shopping for my holiday to Florida in April 2018 and i picked out this really cute two piece, i tried it on and i stood in the dressing room staring into the mirror stretching my skin so my belly would look flatter and my stretch marks would disappear slightly, i felt like screaming at my reflection "give me a break" it hurt and i sat in the corner of the dressing room for 30 seconds before picking myself up and telling the lady in the changing room that i would leave this one even though i wanted it so badly. Feeling fed up i dragged my feet around westfield shopping centre, that night i spoke to a friend on the phone and i started to cry as i spoke about this two piece i so badly wanted she was in utter shock! however so was i! i couldn't contain the waterfall i had finally broken (it probably wasn't just the swimsuit but the build up of a very stressful week, often i've washed my tears away in my nightly baths this night i didn't make it), i think she went silent and i had to say her name twice to make sure she was still there, she couldn't believe how well i carried my sadness and how often i put other people first and she then said "i now understand the tiredness i see appear in your eyes from time to time". After speaking about what i had never spoken about before i felt a boost of confidence, that night i done a lot of thinking and although i felt better i knew i still had a long way to go. I can't stress how important it is to find someone you feel comfortable with an talk to them, it won't fix things but it helps make what your carrying lighter. Months down the line with a few break downs i have finally decided to use my passion for fashion to help me fall in love with my body again.

My first step starts here i want to show you what i see.

Showing my stretch marks is the first step of me accepting that their not going anywhere. They're simply waiting to be loved <3

Please think about what your saying when talking to people because our words can be our most powerful weapon, and there are so many people suffering in silence. It took a lot for me to push the publish button i almost left this as a draft.

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